We’ve all been there. Felt the sting of contempt towards someone whom we should love.

The overwhelming feelings of guilt creep in when you look at your spouse, sibling, parent, child… (you fill in the blank) and love, joy and adoration is not what you see, nor feel. >Hate< for the time being, is looming instead.

Hate?! How utterly terrible! Never would those words even come out of your mouth. One of the people you love and care for the most, is being placed in the same sentence with that word?! Well, not so fast. You don’t hate your husband… or daughter… or whomever… but here we are, taking solace in Google. Thank goodness for the privacy of Google therapy, huh!? 

So here it is: YOU ARE NOT ALONE in how you feel. We have all felt a great dislike towards the people we love the most. However you want to define it, at times, we have all wanted to steer clear from some of the people in our lives we should love the most.

Image by Ezhikoff via Flickr.

Admit It To Move On

It’s okay to admit, in a safe place, that you are hurting, fed up, at the end of your patience level and completely overwhelmed with your feelings. The person or persons who have made you feel these things will unfortunately get labeled with some “not so nice” words in your head.

It’s when we’ve been pushed to our limit, that we feel out of control.

We all have all done it. It’s just taboo – so we don’t verbalize it. Social media has done a fabulous job at showing us only the perfect snapshots of people’s lives, making the challenging situations in our own lives seem even worse. We don’t want the judgement of others to pile more weight on our heavy burden so we keep it inside. 

The purpose of this post is to help you feel like your’re not a crazy, awful human being for feeling like you hate your own family for a split second or two. No one talks about it, but like always, I’m here to keep it real, and of course, to help you replace hate with harmony.

Opposites 

The more you love someone, the more they have the ability to cause hurt. The extent to which you love someone is the extent to which they can make you feel the opposite. Let’s elaborate.

Life is full of opposites. Like a pendulum, the more you open up to someone, your heart is able to swing up so high on one side, allowing overwhelming feelings of love and adoration. But when the momentum gets moving in the opposite direction, it has the ability to go just as high, but with negative feelings. 

So it’s our job as a healthy member of the family to keep this pendulum in check. Since it has the ability to swing so far away from love, we need to learn how to keep it suspended on the positive side. 

We have the ability to hate with the same intensity as we love. 

Photo by PaulPod via Flickr

Where Hate Comes From: Let’s Get Real

We’ve all felt it and it’s okay to admit it. So now we need to be real about where hate comes from. There is no easier answer than this: hate comes from the evil in this world.

The opposite of hate is love.

God is love.

So the ultimate opposite of hate is God.

If you’re feeling feelings of hate, they are brought to you by the one and only tempter in this world. That also means that God is not as close as He can be at the moment.

Hate feels terrible. It rips people apart, it rips relationships apart. There is nothing good that comes from the intensity of this feeling and there is nothing better to do than to work on getting rid of it immediately.

While we have all felt like this, we must keep in mind its because we are all human and have all been tempted. Not because hate should be a normal everyday feeling.

How to Abolish Hateful Feelings

Whenever I’m faced with a problem, in order to solve it, I have learned the best way is to sit and break it down into the smallest most fundamental pieces. So let’s figure this out together.

List Reasons Why I’m “Hatin'” 

Write a list of all the reasons you’re feeling resentment, hurt, disdain, annoyance, etc. Just getting these out on paper is therapeutic, so let it flow. Instead of blowing up at them you’ll be using pen and paper as an outlet. 

Once they’re all down on paper, look up at each one and come up with something that will make you feel better. For example, speak to them about the issue, get some alone time, or pray.

This will bring a little sense of control to the situation. It’s not meant to solve the issue, just scratch the surface to initiate a small sense of renewal.

Worth the read: How to Calm Down Before You’re Raging Mad

Want to Heal

Any sort of life change needs to begin with a very simple exercise: readiness to change. On the scale of 1-10, are you really wanting to get rid of these feelings? It’s not so cut and dry. Often times, we want to cling to negative and harmful feelings. Why? Sometimes, it may be a coping mechanism. If we give these feelings up, then we’re forced to deal with the hurt; the walls will have to come down and vulnerability must surface. 

So accurately assess yourself and your motives. Be real with yourself. If you’re really not ready to become vulnerable, pray and wait until you are ready for healing. Reading this alone, means that you are taking some active steps to get there.

Image by Bailey Foster via Flickr

Look Inward 

Sometimes when we pile issue on top of issue, things become cloudy. Often times, I honestly don’t even know the root reason when I become upset. So here’s when we need to honestly look at ourselves. Are some of the things you’re upset with possibly there because of your doing?

For example, when I get upset, attitude creeps in, then causes me to disrespect my husband and cause more issues. So in the end ya, I’ve actually caused/made issues larger more times than I’d like to admit. 

Your attitude is the pinnacle of everything good or bad in life. If you find you’re struggling with a negative attitude, don’t fool yourself into thinking it’s okay. You’ve got to fix it, otherwise, nothing else can change.

Resources to Help a Bad Attitude

Get Rid of Your Negative Attitude Once and For All and 21-Day Attitude Fix are good places to start. But the more permanent solution is to involve God into this change. The Attitude Antidote: A Whole Life Overhaul 21-Day Devotional will give you everything you need to guide you into completely healing your negative attitude. 

Forgive

This is the most critical step in replacing hate with harmony. Resentment is lingering and that’s why hate is looming. So to get rid of resentment, you’ve got to let go of whatever “fill in the blank” did to you.

Sometimes a single instance isn’t to blame, often times, it’s a series of small events or perhaps how someone treats you. And that’s a bit harder to wrap your head around. If your loved one has gotten into the habit of constantly hurting you in their day to day, calm conversations must be had to work things out. If issues have gone unresolved for some time, and reconciliation seems like its light-years away, recruiting some help from a therapist may be a healthy consideration.

Forgiveness is the ultimate tool in healing any ailment of the heart.

Gratitude: Relish in it

Fixing your eyes and thoughts on what you have and what you’re thankful for is life changing. All so often we focus on the ugly and the lacking. This sets us up for feeling ugly emotions and it unlocks the door to hate.

Family is the most precious gift that God has given us and we need to treat our gift with reverence. We must thank God for the most incredible things in life – which are relationships, love and family. Even if your family dynamic isn’t where you want it to be, realize that they are still a beautiful gift from above. And the dynamic can be changed through prayer, your own heart being healed and new attitudes. The change can begin with you.

Prevent Hate From Appearing Again

Obviously prevention is the easiest way to keep hate at bay.

1. So, number one, stay as close to Jesus and His word as possible. Begin each morning with intention and prayer. God is the ultimate antidote to hate.
2. Deal with issues when they come up.
3. Don’t let resentment build up.
4. Freely forgive.

I hope this helped you in some way begin to put some peace back in your life and help to remove the harmful hate that can creep in to an otherwise loving family.